I'm Different and that's...okay!

I’ve always been different, I’ve never really fitted in anywhere,

In primary school, I was constantly bullied for being kind or too nice. But that bullying went on to secondary school. Where I was bullied for being bigger than others for my size or others telling me I’m annoying or always putting me down.

I was diagnosed with Autism at 12 years old, I was recluse, spent a lot of time by myself, and had little to no friends. My brother's had already been diagnosed with ADHD at this point. so, it made sense as to why I was the way I was. As I got older, I only got stranger and weirder.

OK, so what is autism? I’m not going to give you the medical definition; I will tell you what it is to me and how it affects me... being autistic or having autism means I struggle socially, being in big crowds of people, and struggle with communication. (Saying that I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I do struggle) I’m better a texting or on social media. if I ever have bad days, I keep it bottled up I very rarely tell anyone what’s happening inside my own head unless I have to.

Hand in hand with autism comes general anxiety, where I worry about anything and everything! I worry I do things wrong even if I'm doing everything right. I have tried and do constantly try not to let anxiety run my life. I’ve had times when it has kept me homebound and unable to leave the house.

So in January 2021, I got diagnosed with ADHD. And what is that I hear you ask? Well, again I will explain using my own words! I can never seem to finish 1 job at a time! I start 1, halfway through start another, and halfway through that again I’m on to my 3rd different job! So everything is a little chaotic! My mum and aunt used to call me “half-job Annie” or something silly like that 🤣. I struggle a lot with impulsiveness, so if I see something I like I have a habit of buying it in that moment not fully thinking properly, only thinking “I have to have it”

I have other things that I deal with to , some are obvious and some arnt , I struggle with deafness wich has been a big challenge . I have hearing aids to help me with this , nut it's still frustrating when others get annoyed with me because I didn't hear what they said and ask them to repeat it. I ware glasses, they help me to ser properly because I have sight issues. I'm sure I struggle with irlins , or even dyslexia and something that makes me incredibly clumsy!

So with all that how do overcome all of this? How do I cope with the anxiety or overcoming the challenges/ struggles that i face?

Well, I live a quite independent life (all the credit goes to my mother! ) she has always encouraged me to go out with friends , travel on my own and be as adult as I can. For that I am grateful, it means I can go independently on trains plains and busses! Yes I feel anxiety about being with people , I usually find a seat and sit by myself, I don’t talk to people unless I have to. If I’m with my mum or a friend in large crowds then I will stick to that person like glue, I will focus on walking through the groups of people or just try and stay with the person I’m with.

My communication skills have gotten better as I’ve gotten older , I’ve adapted and I’ve learned, I have learned to be careful who I talk to , some people are ok but others are not. Definitely be careful who you trust because I’ve learned that the hard way. Some people tell me that I’m very sociable, or I’m really confident “you’ll be fine” or “your a social butterfly” when in reality I’m really not and I’m far from it some days.

I’m 25 , I still have my whole life ahead of me , but what I have learned or still learning is to be me , my life has been quite chaotic learning how to regulate my emotions and feelings in a healthy manner , worrying about weather people like me or not, I’m slowly accepting myself, I am me , I am unique, I have talents and gifts that only I can offer. So if people don’t like me then that’s on them , they miss out on a great friendship. They miss out on me , who’s kind , loving , wears her hearts on her sleeves. I have so much to give and making others happy makes me happy.

In summery I’m different , and that’s OK ! I am me, and those who want to be with me will stay , they will lift me up , they will support me , and those who don’t then that’s their choice. I’m just going to keep being me !

A girl who is bubbly , kind , caring , loves animals, thinks of others, and such more !

Untill next week!

Don't be afraid to be like this picture above! Don't be afraid to be the white flowers and stand out from all the pink flowers. Embrace being different .

From emily 💕