Friendships have always been difficult for me. I think mainly because of how I have social anxiety and going to new places or meeting new people can be overwhelming for me and my brain at times. Also, because I’m scared to trust people, I’ve been let down in the past by people bullying me for being too kind or too weird. Something else is that when I’m comfortable with people my personality starts to show and I can be too excited or too hyper or talk too much, and people get scared off and they don’t want to talk to me again or just don’t want to be my friend.
As a consequence of this, I mask or suppress my personality to try and act like a “normal” person, someone who isn’t strange, weird, or talks so much. I'll give you all an example: if I’m with 2 other friends and one of them has a big personality like me, I will then tend to stay quieter, or more withdrawn.
I will say though that maintaining friendships, I’m not sure how I succeed in that, because every friendship is different, I suppose. What I do with 1 friend is different from another. I have some friends who I don’t talk to for weeks or months on end and finally talk to and we just pick up where we left off! I think these are the best kinds of friendships. I do find it hard and still navigate having close friends who I hang out with or get close to then they go off and have a boyfriend, or get married and I can’t help but feel forgotten. And I know it’s nothing personal. it's just how life goes. However, it does encourage me to be different in the future. Because when it's eventually my turn I want to be able to better delegate time with friends and with my partner.
See throughout my 25 years of life, friends have come and gone, but there are some friendships that last a lifetime, those that start as friends but end up being family. And I've been lucky to have multiple friendships like this. The best friendships I have learned to love and value the most are friendships with those that are old than me and who are 65+. My advice is to embrace friendships like this because these individuals are amazing in so many ways! And can teach you so much!
I have best friends and I have friends who are my “soul sisters” I mention this because I recently met 2 girls who I made friends with who because they were serving missions I couldn’t talk to them for a long time, it was hard and I kept thinking about the time when we would be able to talk again. We are still developing our friendships with each other day by day, especially because we live in 3 different parts of the UK. One in Scotland, one in Exeter, and me in Kent
There was this 1 particular friend who I started gravitating towards. And the more we spoke and the more we found out about each other the more we both realized that we are so similar! This person has taught me so much and had helped me in different ways! And the more I got to know and hang out with her the more I got to get to know her husband as well and now they are both such a meaningful friendship in my life but now also my mum’s life too. I know with this person leaving England and heading home I can do my best to stay in contact. Just like I do with some of my other friends who live overseas.
My friendships with those that are older than me is fun, (for me anyways) it’s refreshing as well because these couples like me or love me for who I am. They accept me and they are kind to me and they don’t put me down. Or say mean things. We speak honestly about things. All around my friendships with these people just work. And it gives me something I’ve never really had before.
I’m still navigating my way through friendships and I will be because I still have a long life ahead of me. But I know that if I push through any anxiety I have and push myself into situations that I would usually find hard, I know it will expand my comfort zone and my confidence in making friends or meeting new people.
If there is anything you should take away from this blog. That friendships are something to treasure forever, keep your friends close to you, and definitely don’t take them for granted. It will be hard to navigate sometimes but take one day at a time, if your friendship is meant to be, then you both or all will work it out. Trust the prosses and remember you are all individuals with individual lives. But the key thing to remember is that friendships are special! And there isn’t 1 thing that makes it special. It’s a million different things that make it special.
see below a little gallery of some of my recent friendships in my life!
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